One of the things that we want for our kids is to have a happy and healthy life. I to wanted that for my daughter Becky to. The picture below was taken when she was just 10 months old:
Who would have thought in just 8 months after this picture was taken that Becky would be fighting one of the toughest battles of her young life.
You see at 18 months old my sister Rita was rubbing Becky's back trying to get her to sleep, when she felt a lump on the left side. When she felt it she called for Grandma to feel it and immediately called me at work to tell me about it. It didn't seem to hurt Becky when it was being rubbed and poked around on but just to be on the safe side I called our family doctor and made an appointment for the next day. That day came and I went on to work because I wasn't really for sure if the lump was anything serious or maybe I was just hoping it wasn't, so Grandma, Grandpa and Rita took Becky to the appointment. All that Dr. Daly had to do is rub his hand over the lump once and he called down to the Children's Hospital to make an appointment with a Pediatric Surgeon because he knew that it needed to come out. It usually takes a while to get in to see a specialist like that but with the Dr. calling he got it for the next day. Rita called me when they got back to the house to let me know what Dr. Daly said and that he made an appointment down in Columbia for the next day. I don't know if I was in denial or if I still didn't believe it was anything very serious because I didn't go go down to Columbia for the appointment but when they got home from seeing Dr. Heilkson, Rita again called me to tell me that the Dr. scheduled a CT Scan for the next day and I needed to be down there to sign consent forms so they can do the scan. That is when I began to worry about this lump on her back and what it could be to make everything moving so fast.
The next day arrived and Grandma, Rita and I started out to take Becky to her back to Columbia for the CT Scan. We got to the pediatric short stay unit (and don't let the name fool you because it was never a short stay when we were down there), but they got the iv in Becky's arm and she had to drink contrast but the nurses tried to disguise the nasty taste with red kool aide (which again ruined Becky for every drinking red kool aide anywhere we were). She finally got all of the contrast down so now the waiting for it to get through her a little before heading down to do the CT Scan. It was finally time to go get the scan so I took
Becky down and the nurse in the room where the scan was gave Becky some medicine to put her to sleep so I would be able to lay her down on the table so they could get the scan (that is what she thought, but Becky had other ideas). When I thought that she was asleep enough to lay her down I tried, but she sat back up wanting me to pick her back up and hold her so I did and the nurse gave a little more medicine and I tried once again to lay here down but still no luck. Finally after the 3rd or 4th time the nurse was speechless because she told me that she just gave Becky enough medicine to put an adult to sleep but it wasn't working on Becky, so they had to get the scans done and they handed me a heavy vest to put on so I could stay in there with Becky as she got her scans. They finally got pictures so now we just had to wait for Dr. Heilkson to come down and read them to see what she thought about the lump. She read them and rode the elevator down with me as she looked at Becky her words were "I hate lumps on babies" when she said that is when I had a funny feeling in my stomach that this little lump that I thought was nothing to worry about is ending up being somthing pretty big. When we got back to the pediatric short stay she told me that the lump was in the spine and she is going to call in a neurosurgeon Dr. Jiminez to come and talk to me about scheduling a time to get this lump out with surgery.
He scheduled the surgery for July 22, 1994 and that was one of the longest days of my life wishing that I would change places with Becky because she was so young to have to have such a surgery and that it was my job as her mom to protect her. The day of the surgery started really early we had to be in Columbia at 6am so the nurses could get Becky ready for the surgery. They did come and get Becky about 7:30am that day and nothing hurts a mom more than to have her baby crying and holding their hands out to you wanting you to come and get them but this was one time that I couldn't help her. After they came and took her to get her ready for the surgery, I went down to the information desk to pick up a pager and find Rita, Grandma and Grandpa to sit and wait and wait and wait until the surgery was done. Dr. Jiminez's nurse paged me to tell me that he was done and the lump ended up not attached to the spine but when they got in there they saw that it was also in her abdoman so Dr. Heilkson was on her way down to get some more forms signed so she could take over and get this lump out of Becky. When she made it down there as I was signing the papers I asked her if they knew what this lump was and that is when she said four words that a parent should never have to hear, "Your child has Cancer." She also told be the name of it at that time all I got was that it started with an R. ( which I asked the nurse later after I got to see Becky and she wrote it down for me, it was a type of cancer called Rhabdomyosarcoma).
I started doing some looking up things on the computer about cancer in kids and even looked up the type of cancer that Becky had and found out it was a very aggressive cancer and grows rapidly so that is why everything moved so fast. I also asked the question and really still never got it answered and I am sure that God had a reason by I often asked him "Why Me!" when I prayed and then I found the following:
Why Us?
Most women become a mother by accident, some by choice, a few by habit. Did you ever wonder how mothers of children with cancer are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over the earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger. . .
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew."
Forrest, Majorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia."
Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a child with cancer." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." "Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a child with cancer a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have patience?" asks the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it."
"I watched her today," said God, "She has that feeling of self-independence that is so rare and necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has its own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you," said the angel. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods, "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything for granted. She will never consider a step ordiary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance, cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow her to rise above them."
"And what about her patron saint?" askes the angel, his pen in mid-air.
God smiles and says, "A mirror will suffice."
I don't know who wrote that but it is what got me through the next year with all of the chemotherapy treatments and radiation therapy that Becky had to go through I often read it several times and thinking that God chose me to take care of a child with cancer because he knew that I could do it all that I had to do is have faith in him and he helped me through it no matter what came up with the treatments.
Here is a picture of Becky when she was in the hospital fighting her battle with cancer it is at the beginning of the fight, before she lost her hair and her curls:
So just remember if you ever think that you won't make it through an obstacle that God puts in your path just say a prayer and he will be there for you because he doesn't give you more than he thinks you can't handle no matter what you think.
Today Becky is 18 and will be graduating from high school in May of 2011 so I know that just because things started out rough that everything is turning out just how God had planned and it made me stronger every step of the way.
